Mother fucker. I forgot why I hate xanga and erasing posts after spilling my heart is one reason. OKay redo. HI Danielle, My silly little girl. My oh my have things changed for you. YOu are finally growing up and becoming the strong independent woman, we all knew you could be! Here is brief life update. (1) You and Carl broke up. BEST. FUCKING. THING that EVER happen to you. I promise. Your heartbroke but you survived and are a fucking rock star now. No man will have hurt you like that or mistreat you like that again. You no longer have tolerance for bullshit and being walked over. Why?! Because somewhere down the road of life. You got a backbone. Don't ask me how because I have no idea. But listen, miss independent you are no drowning. Actually you learning to swim now ALONE and are pretty good. You live alone in SYRACUSE NY. You bought your own cat. Her name is Emery and she is just a fucking independent and amazing as you are. You own furtinure. Yes my friend you do!!! You are obtaining your Master's of Marriage and Family therapy. And you are a therapist who has clocked hundreds of therapy hours. Yes, you are reading this correctly! Since becoming a therapist, you have noticed that its not a life passion and are now in the process of completing your degree and then going on to law school. I KNOW?! You want to be a lawyer now. YOu finally stopped relying on men and other people to support you and make you happy. You still have some issues. For instance, you still eat your emotions. Except now you are more functional and have a LOT of fight in you. You are in the process of trying to diet and cut out dirty food. It has been EXTREMELY difficult for you but you are trying and one day you will succeed. Ps. Carl calls you now and wants to talk. You don't have time for his bullshit though so you have blocked his numbers and deleted his facebook. And guess what?! The world hasn't ended and you are still as smart, funny, and pretty as before. Maybe more so now because when you are laughing it's because you are happy not because you are faking it. One day you realized that you don't love carl and you never did. You were in love with the idea of carl. The idea that some loved you and was going to take care of your forever. So you held on far longer then should have because you thought that maybe one day carl would change and become the man you needed him to be. However, you realized that carl wasn't helping you to stay a float. Carl was the one drowning you and you were letting him. I like to best use the analogy of Carl and I in the middle of the ocean trying to stay afloat. I kept thinking that if I held on tight enough to him he could save me from drowning. However, I have since realized that in our relationship, I was actually holding his head above water and mine. Except in the process, it was causing me to drown. I was drowning myself. The moment I let go of carl. I had enough engery and strenght to float on my own without water in my lungs. And now I am swimming in the ocean of life at full speed towards my future and it feels like 1000 pounds have been lifted my shoulders. It also has taught me such an invaluable lesson. I can't change someone like carl but I can change how I live my life and how I allow others treat me. I can choose my own life path and my own happiness because I deserve it. | 
